I committed to a month of cold ocean swims as one of the self-help ingredients in my recipe to get me back to being me. Immersing yourself in the beauty our Sydney harbour and beaches offer is therapy alone. The cold shock to the body is the bonus. For the odd day in the month…
It was an honour to be asked to speak at the Sacred Heart Father’s Day breakfast this morning. I felt highly nervous putting myself out there but I’m thrilled I did. The feedback has been really special.
I first mentioned this book in July. It’s definitely a winner for me. Here is the mechanism itself explained. It’s about being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it and letting it run its course. Without wanting to make it different or doing anything about it. Let the feeling be there…
No Words….
It’s very true, a conversation can change a life. I love that there’s modern-day awareness of this simple but indispensable need and a national day to support it. We can never do enough to inspire meaningful connections with people who are struggling. Anyone can reach out and ask “Are You Ok?.” I encourage you all…
My life took an unwanted turn in early June. Stupidly I tried to suppress or escape my feelings. Even more stupidly I didn’t reach out for help until I was struggling. It wasn’t until I was close to drowning that I swallowed my pride and asked for help. I’m grateful for the green shoots of…
“Dear Dominic,I hope you are well.We are thrilled to be giving lovely Noah the Big Blue Award this Friday. He is such a kind, hard-working and thoughtful student, it is well deserved.The award will be handed out at our 8:40 am assembly this Friday – it is a surprise for Noah!See you thenKind Regards,Sam and…
And just like that, I’m back in a black hole.
As beautiful as it looks have you ever seen the heavy grey fog that settles in the valley of the blue mountains? That valley was my head. I couldn’t see a fucking thing. A cold wet mist, clouding my brain and crippling my existence. In reflection, it’s scary just how quickly you can unravel. Especially…
Over the coming weeks, I want to focus on the most healthy personality I can possibly be. This will need to be carefully balanced between work, play, love and even spirituality. What is held in the mind will manifest. I’m healing what is behind me so I don’t have fear of the future. Stress isn’t…
I haven’t read a book in years. My master’s degree turned me off reading and then Lou’s death and becoming a single parent sent reading way down the priority list. Picking up a single book has enlightened me. So many messages that resonate and have given me courage. Being forced to become aware of my…
We pay a massive price holding on to smallness if we want greatness. Smallness brings weakness, sickness, disease and even premature death. I AM letting go of the negative, I am surrendering it and choosing to love. I AM taking responsibility for my own consciousness as blame is the world’s greatest excuse. Don’t beat yourself…
My sister recommended a book and it’s a game changer for me. It is the spark I needed to motivate and action my healing. It couldn’t have come at a better time. The teachings are allowing me to see things from a different perspective and context. I am surrendering my emotions. Disassembling the periphery and…
I spiralled into a state of apathy and depression in mid-June and have become more bogged by the day. A lot of my issues have to do with a relationship, assimilation of two worlds, a poor decision and failed communication and understanding. The best thing I can do to remedy the relationship is to heal…
Half Way through 2022. The year is dissolving without notice. Where does the time go? My precious children are growing up so fast, they will be teenagers tomorrow. Up until last week since February 2018, I’d never left the kids for more than two consecutive nights. This month I holidayed without them for seven nights…
“Mother’s Day can be an especially tough time of year for children and families that have been impacted by cancer. Father of two, Dominic, from Sydney, explains why it is so important to talk to kids about cancer following his own experience after wife Louise died from breast cancer in 2019. Louise was struggling with…
Happy Birthday, Lou Lou! 40 + GST. Evie rose early this morning as she always does. Often it’s on the wrong side of the bed but she was kind to me today. We cuddled on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket and flipped through some photos as the sun attempted to compete with the rain.…
“I’m going to sleep in my own bed tonight dad.” I’ve never heard that from Noah before. He has never slept in his own bed. He went straight from his cot to sleeping with Mumma and Dadda and never graduated from there. So after a whole lot of talk in the preceding months about being…
Noah, Today you are nine years of age. Your last year in single digits. I can’t believe you were only six years old when I left. Such a heavy load to bear when you were so young. Your shoulders are so broad and strong though, I’m in awe of the way you tick off the…
The three year anniversary of Lou’s death was special but poignant. Just getting to Momi Bay, Fiji was a challenge. The Omnicron Covid variant was on the loose in Sydney, severely impacting holiday travel. As a vacating family of 11 we were magical to dodge positive tests before departure. It was like dancing in the…
You’ve missed so much Lou. The kids, particularly Noah (his memories are more vivid than Evie’s) are missing you incredibly right now. He’s had several moments in tears over the Christmas period and my heart aches for him but I love seeing him process the pain and cry it out. I don’t want his little…
I can’t believe it’s been three years since we were in Germany. Fighting for life. Looking back our optimism was unrealistic. Lou was so-so sick and her chances of survival must have been near zero. But they were “near zero”, they weren’t zero. I’m proud that WE all hung onto that fraction of a percent…
My little beauty. You won’t remember but we used to have these little clashes. You were only three years old but the little mixing pot we both shared of; fire, stubbornness and a pinch of crae-crae was the perfect tiny storm for some mother and daughter friction. Always trivial of course but can you imagine…
I go through these stages where I imagine Lou turning up, just walking through the door at that very moment. “Oh look, kids, mummy is here!!!” The thought of this event might not happen for weeks and then it becomes a daily occurrence again. The grief roller coaster of emotions must trigger various thoughts and…
What Lockdown?? Noah, Evie and I left our home for a 10-day road trip on the 24th of June. A scheduled 10 days on the road turned into 107 days of running. The intention was to cruise up the coast to the Goldie and hit all the theme parks to get our buzz on. Queensland…
Three years ago in Septemeber 2018, Lou Lou took Elyisa, Jboy and I to Brisbane to see the Vance Joy concert at the River Stage. On the morning of the concert Louise had a massive panic attack while we were looking for somwhere to have breakfast and commence our exciting day together. The ambulance took…
The kids have never slept in their own bed’s. This is Noah and Evie this morning, still dreaming about “candy” and playdates: And this is when they woke up: Lou Lou, I wake up like this every day because of the endless treasures you gifted to me. When do you think they will want to…
1286 Days Ago…….. “Some of you will now know that last week I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. A rare and aggressive form, which I thankfully found early. Yesterday I went into battle with my first round of chemotherapy. I’ve ridden the rollercoaster of emotions but I’ve landed in a really positive place, feeling strong,…
Acceptance is a real mess. Last year was a struggle, no denying that. Stages of grief are not linear however some literature will tell you that after being down in the dumps you should turn the corner to a more positive state. As far as the “stages” are suggested to play out, the final stage…
So in January, I decided to have three months off the booze. I had my last alcoholic beverage on Friday the 29th of January this year. I didn’t realise until many weeks into my teetotaling stretch that my three-month stint winds up on your birthday. There is no better day of the year to have…
I don’t really believe in “signs” from those that have left this world. I wish I did but my gut feel is that they are simply coincidences. A few weeks back I was driving past the charming little church Lou and I were married in. I decided to stop and wander around. A melting pot…
Today is International Women’s day, it’s about celebrating women’s achievement, raising awareness against bias and taking action for equality. Lou strived for all of these objectives. She was driven in the corporate world, a successful business owner, she orchestrated the family household and she was a phenomenal mother. Louise thought well beyond her cancer diagnosis…
Dear Noah, I miss you beautiful boy. I wish I could touch your precious face. I don’t think you realise how important you are to Evie and your daddy. You have become a little rock for them. In many ways, they are anchored to you and it’s your courage and strength that carries them. You…
Hey, where did you go? Why? I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be two full years. What have I lost?? I lost what we had, which was unrivalled. But we lost our future too. I think this component hurts the most because the future was exiting. Especially with the munchkins. Our future was unmapped.…
COVID aside, my year was muddled. I just couldn’t find a spark and with no spark, no momentum. I’ve often used sporting analogies when commentating about struggles on this blog, especially during Lou’s fight for life. There’s a tremendous amount of review and analysis that goes into a professional sport so I think it’s fitting.…
Dear Evie, OMG, you’re such a beautiful girl. You weren’t even three when I was diagnosed with cancer. You’d just turned four when I sadly left your world. Now you’re six. Six years old, I truly can’t believe it. A six-year-old girl isn’t meant to have dealt with their own mother’s illness and death for…
My little rabbit asks the the best questions. Well they are the best because: 1.) She asks them all the time, often daily. Which means she’s always thinking about her mum but most importantly she is talking about her. 2.) They are difficult to answer. Especially because they are often about where mummy is and…
Noah had a public speaking project to prepare for and execute. When handed the assignment we discussed subject options. Noah favoured a “Potential Speech Topic” suggested by his school. “My hero is……………………….(could be mum or dad)” I was excited that Noah wanted to talk about his mum and why she’s his hero. A week later…
I regularly envisage Lou walking through the door. I assume this is a prevalent event for any individual that has tragically lost someone they love. It can often evoke a feeling of happiness as it depends on the stimulant for the vision. Most often though, the vision of her presence brings a wave of sadness.…
We’re on a beautiful family holiday in the historic Southern Highlands and the only thing that is missing is Louise. Les, Lynda, Jboy, Liesy, JJ, Sadie Girl, Noah, Bill-Bill, Poppa, The G, Me (Daddy Dom) but no Lou. We’re staying in a charming big house on the northern outskirts misty wintery town of Bowral. Drinking…
Cold bones, yeah, that’s my love She hides away, like a ghost Ooh, does she know that we bleed the same? Ooh, don’t wanna cry but I break that way Cold sheets, oh, where’s my love? I am searching high, I’m searching low in the night Ooh, does she know that we bleed the same?…
It’s always nice to have Lou’s storey revisited and some attention on the narrative that’s unfolding as we push ahead without her. Last Sunday morning the kids and I walked up to the corner store so they could purchase a paper each and flick through the lift-out magazine in search of themselves. It was a…
I’m in a mental rut. I feel like shit. Why? Last year I focused on having more good days than bad days. I felt if I could achieve this overarching objective while still in disbelief and shock I’d be somewhat winning. It was a given that I’d have a bunch of tough days and dealing…
On Friday morning while waiting in the warmth of the sun for our takeaway breakfast, I was flicking through the newspaper while Evie was practising her cartwheels on the footpath and encroaching on everyone’s safe-COVID-space. She stops overturning to ask me an honest question. “Hey Dadda, what do you want to be when you grow…
As mothers day approaches and I tactically prepare the kids for a day that will be a mixed bag of celebrations and sorrow. Sometimes someone else’s words are much better than my own. Noah and Evie both see a grief counsellor from time to time at The National Centre For Childhood Grief. I have copied…
