I brought Noah and Evie in to cuddle and kiss their mum today. I’d like to say it wasn’t a facilitated goodbye but while we hope for a miracle, I have to prepare for the worst. I was undecided on whether they should see her.
Lou fell into a deep sleep at 1:30 am this morning and has remained in dreamland for 15 hours. She slept through her bed-bath, sheet change and catheter insertion. She’s unresponsive to any conversation but seems to have occasional awareness of peoples presence. Her breathing has slowed and she pauses for long periods before the next inhale. She looks peaceful right now. Observing her this minute, as the room gets dark by the sun going down, my thoughts are distracted, I want her to sit up and say, “what’s up Byrne? what should we do now? Grab the kids, let’s go…..”
Lou had some fleeting moments of consciousness when her babies were here. Unfortunately, she didn’t acknowledge Noah or Evie though. Their presence did stimulate some movement, she momentarily opened her eyes but seemed to look through the children. I don’t know what was going through the kid’s heads at this time. Evie wanted to cuddle me and Noah seemed distracted by my sister’s emotional state. Their minds were busy with thought, which I hope wasn’t stress.
Words can’t describe how much Noah loves his mum
Those two little monkeys are so special.
Evie picked two red flowers before we left the apartment, one for her and one for Noah to give their mum. They are in a glass beside her bed now, next to some polished stone love hearts the kids purchased for Lou from a vending machine at the Frankfurt pool a few weeks back.
I’m glad I brought the kids to the clinic. They both kissed “Mumma” and told her that they loved her, many times each. They don’t know she’s is on the precipice of life. Actually, Noah may be aware now that I think about it, not much gets past that kid.
Evie with a red rose in her hand for mummy
Noah and Evie’s life is potentially made more difficult from this point forward. I know I have the ability to shape them into the best they can be but their lives will be very different if we don’t get a miracle.
I’m playing Lou some music right now. I’m taking one for the team by not blasting my hip hop 😉, I’m playing her some of her favourite tunes, which I like anyway. I’ve always liked her music. It’s amazing how powerful lyrics are when you are in a high emotional state. We’re listening to Vance Joy, all his words are smacking me in the face as I attempt to type this post…….the two songs that have played since I started typing………
‘Fire and the flood’ lyrics…..
Since we met I feel a lightness in my step
You’re miles away but I still feel you
Anywhere I go there you are
Anywhere I go there you are
Late at night when you can’t fall asleep
I’ll be lying right beside you counting sheep
Anywhere I go there you are…….
I just wanna, I just wanna know
If you’re gonna, if you’re gonna stay
I just gotta, I just gotta know
I can’t have it, I can’t have it any other way……
Noah and his mum, such a bond.
We were meant to see Vance in Brisbane with Jon and Elysia a few months back but Lou spent the afternoon in the hospital. Lou purchased Elysia and John tickets in appreciation for all their help and support they have given us. It was a pre-booked ‘beating cancer’ weekend away.
Lou loves music, live music particularly.
The kids would be back in the apartment with my mum and sister now, they all went back on the train from the clinic. I’m lucky mum and Leish are here to help. I didn’t know how much we would rely on them before they arrived last week. It allows Les and Lynda to be present with Lou as much as possible.
Evie and my hand holding mums
I hope my lil munchkins heads are clear tonight and they sleep fun adolescent dreams. It’s important that I can let them know at any proceeding moment in time that they told their mum they loved her and said goodbye.
Louise’s bloods have improved today, her vitals are strong but her liver enzymes are increasing. She is essentially in a liver coma or hepatic encephalopathy. This comes with a decline in brain function because the liver can’t adequately remove toxins from the blood.
The world can be really cruel. The end, whether we can extend it or not, is really horrible.
I just love the way Noah says “mumma” – with an extended aaa at the end….
Her best friend (and sister) will arrive on Friday morning. If Lou does leave us soon, I hope she clings-on to be present with Elysia. They have a sister bond like no other.
I do wish that Louise was at home right now but I have no regrets being here in Germany, we knew the risks involved. The tide turned so fast though. On Thursday we were preparing for the kids to go back early for school, thinking we could follow a few weeks later. Crazy.
I’m going to slide in behind Lou now and give her a cuddle and tell her that I and her village love her very much.
Dixie Chicks now playing…….”wide open spaces”……she loves this song.
Evie needing a cuddle from dad as she’s a little confused
Oh mate, our hearts are with Lou, you, the kidds and all whole family – sending loads of love. Give her a cuddle from all of us
Much love hugs kisses to you all! ❤
Sending you, the kids, Lou and all the family there so much love.
Don’t worry Dom, Lou will wait for Elysia. She will know when she arrives and will then be at peace. Love you lots. Aunty Tina
Lou sure does love music… She told me how much she loooveeedddd the P!NK concert with you in September. “TRY” being the anthem to her fight. I play it loud. A lot.
And today I listen to Vance. And the Dixie Chicks.
Sending prayers, love and hope xxx
She’s such a beautiful woman, inside and out. We are so saddened to hear this Dom, and thinking of Lou, you, Noah, Evie and your families.
Judy, Marc, Flynn and Henry x
Sending you all our love, you are showing such amazing strength.
To you all, our love, thoughts and prayers are with you, especially thinking of Noah & Evie & trusting you will all be given the strength you need to move thru this utterly devastating time.
Our Love
Grayden & Wendy
Hi team, thoughts are with you guys during the last few difficult days, glad to hear bloods have improved and praying her strength improves soon. Love to you, Lou, and Evie/Noah
Hugs and kisses all round , please give Lou a cuddle from her Aunty Karen , who will never give up hope … So much love for you all .
Keep the kids near her, they will give her comfort. She can hear those little sweet voices and it keeps her at peace. Sending you lots of love.
Absolute heartfelt love and unlimited prayers to you all
Cant say how hard it is to digest this. We are sending all of our love and are thoughts are with you guys each day
You are an amazing father and husband. Sending you all love and strength. X
Oh dude you got me with that one, walking down York Street bawling . I have no words other than we’re all here for all of you, now and more importantly I suspect later. Love J
Oh Dom. How we love Louise with all our hearts. You did the right thing capturing those beautiful moments of love for Noah and Evie. I feel the whole world is radiating love right now for Lou and all of you. Such is the energy she pushes into the world. As I said to Lou, a star as bright as she, doesn’t burn out. X
No words to express. A tide of emotion. So many memories. Lou I wish I could be there to hold your hand for a while. We love you. xx
Sending you all lots of love. Xxx
Heartbreaking news Dom. Goodbyes are so important so you absolutely did the right thing taking Noah and Evie there. Lou would have heard their gorgeous little voices and her favourite music playing. Praying she hangs in there to have her moment with Elysia. Sending love and hugs to all of you. xxx
I can’t even begin to fathom the heart wrench you are all going through, and the right Lou is enduring. Lou touched my life and I haven’t seen her in years. I think of her and your family every day and pray that the miracle you so desperately deserve happens. All my love, Jo (friend of Elysias from school) x
I wish like nothing else for a miracle. Such precious angels with their beautiful Mumma. You’re an incredible husband and father Dom. My heart goes out to you and your family. All my love to gorgeous Lou xxx
Sending you love and strength. God bless.
We love you all very much. Even though she may not be able to acknowledge you are all there she will be feeling your love and support. Dom our hearts are breaking for you – you are an incredible person. Please give Lou a kiss from us. Amy and Toby XX
Dom, can‘t believe your Blog entry from December 29th is only 12 days old and yet so outdated… I remember the joy I felt when I read it and it is so heartbreaking to see that this positive development didn’t last… Always thinking of your wonderful family, the strongest family I ever had the honor to meet… Kirsten
Dear Dom
Our thoughts are with you and Lou. We will be there for Noah when he returns to school. Let Lou know that we will be proud to be part of the team that looks after him in the future.
Sending lots of love and strength to you all – I hope you’re finding comfort being together by Lou’s side. I am sure she can feel and appreciate all that support around her. Still praying for a miracle x
My heart aches for you all… words can’t help .. but i hope you feel the love for beautiful Lou and your family from us all… we are sending every ounce of love peace and miracle dust to you now….. love liz Sean and Maddie xxxxx
So sad Mate. I cannot imagine how I would even begin to cope with such a shitty scenario. All the best to you Lou and the kids.
Frase
“The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.” (Psalm 145:14) Praying for your miracle.
It’s just not fair.
Much love to you all. Xx
Sending big pink love bubbles and hugs for all of you. lots of love to Noah from Alek too.