Our Optimism Was So Bloody High
I can’t believe it’s been three years since we were in Germany. Fighting for life. Looking back our optimism was unrealistic. Lou was so-so sick and her chances of survival must have been near zero. But they were “near zero”, they weren’t zero. I’m proud that WE all hung onto
Beautiful Girl, It’s Your Birthday
My little beauty. You won’t remember but we used to have these little clashes. You were only three years old but the little mixing pot we both shared of; fire, stubbornness and a pinch of crae-crae was the perfect tiny storm for some mother and daughter friction. Always trivial of
Mummy’s Proud
I go through these stages where I imagine Lou turning up, just walking through the door at that very moment. “Oh look, kids, mummy is here!!!” The thought of this event might not happen for weeks and then it becomes a daily occurrence again. The grief roller coaster of emotions
Home Sweet Home
What Lockdown?? Noah, Evie and I left our home for a 10-day road trip on the 24th of June. A scheduled 10 days on the road turned into 107 days of running. The intention was to cruise up the coast to the Goldie and hit all the theme parks to
Missing Piece
Three years ago in Septemeber 2018, Lou Lou took Elyisa, Jboy and I to Brisbane to see the Vance Joy concert at the River Stage. On the morning of the concert Louise had a massive panic attack while we were looking for somwhere to have breakfast and commence our exciting
Father’s Day!
The kids have never slept in their own bed’s. This is Noah and Evie this morning, still dreaming about “candy” and playdates: Am I made of velcro? 😂 🤗 And this is when they woke up: Cuddle soup… Lou Lou, I wake up like this every day because of the
13 July 2017
1286 Days Ago…….. “Some of you will now know that last week I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. A rare and aggressive form, which I thankfully found early.Yesterday I went into battle with my first round of chemotherapy.I’ve ridden the rollercoaster of emotions but I’ve landed in a really positive
Acceptance
Acceptance is a real mess. Last year was a struggle, no denying that. Stages of grief are not linear however some literature will tell you that after being down in the dumps you should turn the corner to a more positive state. As far as the “stages” are suggested to
You Don’t Look A Day Over 40
So in January, I decided to have three months off the booze. I had my last alcoholic beverage on Friday the 29th of January this year. I didn’t realise until many weeks into my teetotaling stretch that my three-month stint winds up on your birthday. There is no better day
Nine Years Married
I don’t really believe in “signs” from those that have left this world. I wish I did but my gut feel is that they are simply coincidences. A few weeks back I was driving past the charming little church Lou and I were married in. I decided to stop and
A Girls Night In, Lou’s Speech, 2017
Today is International Women’s day, it’s about celebrating women’s achievement, raising awareness against bias and taking action for equality. Lou strived for all of these objectives. She was driven in the corporate world, a successful business owner, she orchestrated the family household and she was a phenomenal mother. Louise thought
Happy Birthday Noah
Dear Noah, I miss you beautiful boy. I wish I could touch your precious face. I don’t think you realise how important you are to Evie and your daddy. You have become a little rock for them. In many ways, they are anchored to you and it’s your courage and
What Have I Lost?
Hey, where did you go? Why? I’ll wake up tomorrow and it will be two full years. What have I lost?? I lost what we had, which was unrivalled. But we lost our future too. I think this component hurts the most because the future was exiting. Especially with the
2020 F&*K YOU!!
COVID aside, my year was muddled. I just couldn’t find a spark and with no spark, no momentum. I’ve often used sporting analogies when commentating about struggles on this blog, especially during Lou’s fight for life. There’s a tremendous amount of review and analysis that goes into a professional sport
Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl
Dear Evie, OMG, you’re such a beautiful girl. You weren’t even three when I was diagnosed with cancer. You’d just turned four when I sadly left your world. Now you’re six. Six years old, I truly can’t believe it. A six-year-old girl isn’t meant to have dealt with their own
“Does Mummy Get Wet When It Rains?”
My little rabbit asks the the best questions. Well they are the best because: 1.) She asks them all the time, often daily. Which means she’s always thinking about her mum but most importantly she is talking about her. 2.) They are difficult to answer. Especially because they are often
“I want to be like my mum because my mum is my hero.”
Noah had a public speaking project to prepare for and execute. When handed the assignment we discussed subject options. Noah favoured a “Potential Speech Topic” suggested by his school. “My hero is……………………….(could be mum or dad)” I was excited that Noah wanted to talk about his mum and why she’s
Walking Through The Door
I regularly envisage Lou walking through the door. I assume this is a prevalent event for any individual that has tragically lost someone they love. It can often evoke a feeling of happiness as it depends on the stimulant for the vision. Most often though, the vision of her presence
18 MONTHS
We’re on a beautiful family holiday in the historic Southern Highlands and the only thing that is missing is Louise. Les, Lynda, Jboy, Liesy, JJ, Sadie Girl, Noah, Bill-Bill, Poppa, The G, Me (Daddy Dom) but no Lou. We’re staying in a charming big house on the northern outskirts misty
Where’s My Love??…
Cold bones, yeah, that’s my love She hides away, like a ghost Ooh, does she know that we bleed the same? Ooh, don’t wanna cry but I break that way Cold sheets, oh, where’s my love? I am searching high, I’m searching low in the night Ooh, does she know
“My Children Will Never Forget Their Late Mother”
It’s always nice to have Lou’s storey revisited and some attention on the narrative that’s unfolding as we push ahead without her. Last Sunday morning the kids and I walked up to the corner store so they could purchase a paper each and flick through the lift-out magazine in search
Why Has This Year Been So Hard?
I’m in a mental rut. I feel like shit. Why? Last year I focused on having more good days than bad days. I felt if I could achieve this overarching objective while still in disbelief and shock I’d be somewhat winning. It was a given that I’d have a bunch
Love Mumma xx
On Friday morning while waiting in the warmth of the sun for our takeaway breakfast, I was flicking through the newspaper while Evie was practising her cartwheels on the footpath and encroaching on everyone’s safe-COVID-space. She stops overturning to ask me an honest question. “Hey Dadda, what do you want to
It’s Mothers Day In Two Sleeps….
As mothers day approaches and I tactically prepare the kids for a day that will be a mixed bag of celebrations and sorrow. Sometimes someone else’s words are much better than my own. Noah and Evie both see a grief counsellor from time to time at The National Centre For
The Birthday Girl
The anxiousness that once unsettled me about ageing has returned. I haven’t sensed this fear for close to ten years. Louise mitigated this angst, it was the underlying reason that motivated me to marry and appreciate getting old. I have a large tattoo on my left ribs that says; “Omne
Eight Years Married Today
It’s already been twelve months since the kids and I were road-tripping around the state. I forgot how many celebrations we have to observe around this time of year. Jboy and Billies birthdays, today’s wedding anniversary, your birthday next week and mothers day around the corner…. Noah, Evie, Benson and
COVID-19
Crazy crazy times right now. Do you feel like you’re in some kind in bizarre science fiction movie? Personally, I feel remarkably fortunate. I live in an amazing house with more space than three humans and a stinky bulldog need, a massive yard with entertainment galore, plus the kids and
As Time Passes The Rawness Is Replaced By Reality
I wish I could say as the months have passed that life has become easier and the levels of anguish have subsided. It hasn’t. You quickly learn how to manage yourself and the people you are responsible for but this is simply survival. While I might not have fully accepted
Lou’s Eulogy: 25 January 2019
A year on, I thought I would post Lou’s Eulogy. I actually haven’t been able to read it again, yet. I’ve uploaded it to preserve it for the kids and for anyone that wishes to read it. Hi Everyone, Wow! Thank you for coming today. I hope that if I
You’re In The Mountains And The Mountains Are In You!
January 25: In 2011, to the day, in Telluride Colorado, at the junction of Seeforever and Plunge, I asked Lou to marry me. Nine years on, we lay a portion of her ashes in the exact same location. Embedded in the breathtaking mountains forever. By chance; This same day 365
Epic Time Away With Evie and Noah
With only five days remaining on our trip, I thought I would share some photos of our epic journey. So much fun, so many memories. Still more fun to come but our holiday days are numbered……
365 Days
I’m just staring at my screen with nothing creative or notable to say. One year has painfully passed since you died. Dealing with your absence hasn’t got any easier. Mentally the last few months have been the hardest. JBoy made a video of all the #BTOTW images that were captured.
52 BTOTW’s
As many of you know, each Saturday we celebrate a BTOTW. Most BTOTW’s occur at the McConkey’s, The Courtney’s or The Byrne’s residence as we all, fortunately, live on the same street. Jboy has collected all of the BTOTW images and added some great shots of Lou throughout the compilation.
Lou Lou In Telluride
Nobody knows how to say goodbyeIt seems so easy ’til you tryThen the moments passed you byNobody knows how to say goodbyeNobody knows how to get back homeAnd we set out so long agoSearch the heavens and the Earth belowNobody knows how to get back homeThrough the darkness to the
Merry Christmas From The Byrne’s
“So enjoy your families today everyone. Stop for a while and soak up all the little things….” . McConkey-DeCelis-Byrnes | #Blendedfamily | Merry Christmas
“Soon You’ll Get Better….”
Love my Tay Tay. If you’ve ever cared for a terminally ill patient, this song will likely bring a tear to your eye…..😢 I never thought for one minute she wasn’t going to get better. The buttons of my coat were tangled in my hairIn doctor’s-office-lighting, I didn’t tell you
Some Travel Therapy To Assist With Our Grief
When you’re greaving for a loved one that has been unjustly taken from you, you’re heavy. Your mind is heavy, your heart is heavy and your body is heavy. The anguish is a debilitating weight that slows you down. You can move fast when needed but it requires more effort.
Dear Evie, Happy Birthday!!
Dear Evie, Today my precious “noonicorn”, you’re five 🖐. You came into this world crying and you’ve never really stopped. 😭😂 You were such a pretty little puffin the minute you wanted out of Mumma’s tummy and you get more beautiful every day. My Little Poppa I get emotional just
Memories
I thought I would post this song before it blows up on the radio. Adam Levine was one of Lou’s massive crushes. I think he edged out Bradley Cooper and Johhny Knoxville, even if they were combined. Hopefully, I got a run in there somewhere too…… 🤔😉😂 Has Adam pilfered
It Was All Downhill From Here
People that talk about losing a loved one and grief often mention ‘the year of the firsts’. The first year enduring such a massive loss is likely to be the most difficult, especially as milestones approach. Birthdays. Christmas. Mothers Day. The fast upcoming anniversary of Lou’s passing. I could be
“Lou Lou, Can I Please Build A Halfpipe In The Backyard?” “Absolutely Zero Chance, Dom.”
This clemency post is my first big apology to my late wife. Ever since we moved into our new house in 2013, I’ve been asking Lou every few months if I can build a skateboard ramp. Noah, our first child, was born the same year we moved into our dream
BTOTW!
Best Time Of The Week! As Elysia explained in one of her recent posts: For years and years, for as long as I can remember, at 5:30pm on a Saturday, Jonny would raise his first beer and yell through the house, “Best Time of the Week”… as fate would have
I’m So Proud Of Little Poppa
Dressed head to toe in pink with heavy black plastic boots anchoring her to the snow-covered ground. Evie’s dark brown hair is failing to find a place to rest as it blows across her sun-kissed cheeks, streaming to either side of her oversized pink helmet as she travels at seven
“I Wonder How Many More Summers I will See?”
An Insta post from Lou on September 11, 2018 👇🏻 So looking forward to more amazing summery days like today ✨✨ Everything feels lighter in summer, doesn’t it?!? This morning a question popped into my thoughts “I wonder how many more summers I will see?” to which my mind immediately
Happy Fathers Day
Happy Fathers Day to my father-in-law, Les. It’s Les’s first fathers day where his offspring is half of what it was the previous year. A day that no father wants to celebrate. Les still has one beautiful daughter and he is no less a father, but he has to push
Truth and Inclusion
Yesterday I met up with one of the counsellors for The National Centre for Childhood Grief (NCCG). They came recommended from a family we know that is going through the grieving process due to the loss of a loved one. My intention for the session was to; Validate how I’ve
Six Loved Hearts
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ So Elysia, Louise’s sister (and very best friend) wanted to take photos of our six kids to record memories and times together as a blended family. I say “our six kids” and “blended family” because that is essentially what we have become. Elysia and Jon have taken over many
“My Mumma”
Your dark brown hair is still in your brush. Your socks are rolled up in a ball, stuffed in the top of one of your tiny pink running shoes, ready for a gym session. Your book; “Book Of Joy” by The Dalai Lama is neatly placed at your side of
Louise, Six Months Ago Today, You Died In My Arms.
Not an hour goes by that I don’t think of you. I was telling Noah and Evie on Wednesday night that I miss you yelling at me. They thought that was pretty funny. Evie still asks most weeks; “When is mummy not going to be died anymore?” She enjoys wearing