It Was All Downhill From Here
Oct09
People that talk about losing a loved one and grief often mention ‘the year of the firsts’. The first year enduring such a massive loss is likely to be the most difficult, especially as milestones approach. Birthdays. Christmas. Mothers Day. The fast upcoming anniversary of Lou’s passing. I could be
“Lou Lou, Can I Please Build A Halfpipe In The Backyard?” “Absolutely Zero Chance, Dom.”
Oct04
This clemency post is my first big apology to my late wife. Ever since we moved into our new house in 2013, I’ve been asking Lou every few months if I can build a skateboard ramp. Noah, our first child, was born the same year we moved into our dream
BTOTW!
Sep28
Best Time Of The Week! As Elysia explained in one of her recent posts: For years and years, for as long as I can remember, at 5:30pm on a Saturday, Jonny would raise his first beer and yell through the house, “Best Time of the Week”… as fate would have
I’m So Proud Of Little Poppa
Sep19
Dressed head to toe in pink with heavy black plastic boots anchoring her to the snow-covered ground. Evie’s dark brown hair is failing to find a place to rest as it blows across her sun-kissed cheeks, streaming to either side of her oversized pink helmet as she travels at seven
“I Wonder How Many More Summers I will See?”
Sep11
An Insta post from Lou on September 11, 2018 👇🏻 So looking forward to more amazing summery days like today ✨✨ Everything feels lighter in summer, doesn’t it?!? This morning a question popped into my thoughts “I wonder how many more summers I will see?” to which my mind immediately
Happy Fathers Day
Sep01
Happy Fathers Day to my father-in-law, Les. It’s Les’s first fathers day where his offspring is half of what it was the previous year. A day that no father wants to celebrate. Les still has one beautiful daughter and he is no less a father, but he has to push
Truth and Inclusion
Aug28
Yesterday I met up with one of the counsellors for The National Centre for Childhood Grief (NCCG). They came recommended from a family we know that is going through the grieving process due to the loss of a loved one. My intention for the session was to; Validate how I’ve
Six Loved Hearts
Aug20
♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ So Elysia, Louise’s sister (and very best friend) wanted to take photos of our six kids to record memories and times together as a blended family. I say “our six kids” and “blended family” because that is essentially what we have become. Elysia and Jon have taken over many
“My Mumma”
Aug19
Your dark brown hair is still in your brush. Your socks are rolled up in a ball, stuffed in the top of one of your tiny pink running shoes, ready for a gym session. Your book; “Book Of Joy” by The Dalai Lama is neatly placed at your side of
Louise, Six Months Ago Today, You Died In My Arms.
Jul12
Not an hour goes by that I don’t think of you. I was telling Noah and Evie on Wednesday night that I miss you yelling at me. They thought that was pretty funny. Evie still asks most weeks; “When is mummy not going to be died anymore?” She enjoys wearing
We Finally Brought Lou Home
Jul05
So on Friday the 24th, Jon and I picked up Lou. Well her ashes anyway. You might ask why we took so long to do this. The answer is, I don’t know. Some of the pepes that turned up to have a drink/s and welcome Lou home…… We all painfully
A Letter From Your Mumma; Dear Noah and Evie,
May11
Hi Kids. Now, I know you know that I am no longer physically with you anymore but your dad knew me so well that if I could send a letter, he knows exactly what I would say. He’s pretty smart your dad….😉 Dear beautiful babies, I know you miss me
I Love You Mum I Always Will
May10
My Mum, You are as beautiful as a shiny star. You feel like a soft kitten. You sound like pink the singer. You smell like a rose. I love you Mum and I always will. Love Noah
Widowers Weekend
May07
About a month ago, on the first weekend of April, I organised a weekend away with a few other dads that lost their wives to cancer. Unfortunately one of the dads had to pull out at the last minute because his daughter was very ill during the week. He’ll be
Noah and Evie Are “Rolling” On
May07
Hi Dom, I hope all is well and you enjoyed your Easter break to the Gold Coast. Evie has been telling us all about Movie World and the water park you went to. I just wanted to discuss the topic of Mother’s Day with you. I know this is a
Happy Birthday Weez!!
Apr30
Joshua Sadie Noah Billie Evie Georgina Happy Birthday From Joshua, Sadie, Noah, Billie, Evie and Georgina…… ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
Forever 40, Forever Young, Forever Beautiful, Forever Fun…
Apr30
When Lou turned 40 this time last year, it was during a very short period that we thought she was cancer free. Our original plan was to throw a big combined 40th birthday party when she was feeling 100% and we were confident the nightmare was behind us. At the
In Spite Of Ourselves
Apr21
How awesome was our wedding? It was a three-day event. The bridal team did a flash mob dance to LMFAO “Party Rock” and Michael Jacksons’s “Thriller.” So much fun. I think the highlight was Jon and Elysia singing this song by John Prine: They nailed it! Xx
#NowIveGotThis
Apr20
I have such positive memories of you and the way you appear in my thoughts. My momentarily or flash style thoughts of you typify who you were; happy, excitable, motivated, high energy, contagious with affection……… Xxxxx
Evie’s Non Stop About Her Mum
Mar23
Evie asked me yesterday morning; “when is mummy not going to be died anymore?.” She is still grappling with her understanding around the sense of time which is simply an age thing. She cuddles and smells Lou’s things very passionately, as though she is cuddling mummy herself. She puts on
The After Life
Mar22
I’ve been a little quiet on the blog posts lately. I’ve commenced a few but have lacked spark and creativity to continue. If the motivation has been missing I haven’t bothered pushing it. I’m attempting to roll with the punches as best I can and not put myself under too
Love My Little Poppa
Mar12
I thought I would share a letter I received last Wednesday from Evie’s primary daycare teacher, Emily. Evie has a virus at the moment. She is holding up pretty well. Poor little Evie Pops. She really misses her mum.
How Hard Do You Think It Would Be To Write A Song?
Mar02
I really like the lyrics to this song: No, I didn’t learn German in my three-month stay, Google helped me out with the translation on this one…. Here is the translation: I can’t see anymore, I put no trust in my eyes anymore, can hardly believe anymore – feelings have turned
50 Days Since Lou Departed, 111 Days Between Bike Rides And Jumping Up To The Stars With Evie Pops
Mar01
It’s the first day of autumn today, it’s not really of any significance, to me it just means that the year is getting on in a hurry. Well, it also means we are one season away from getting a few turns in atop of the Aussie Alps. Noah keeps asking
Dear Noah, Happy Birthday!!
Feb21
Dear Noah, Happy Birthday. Six years old today, wow. Before you drifted off to sleep last night you said you wanted to “give Mumma a cuddle.” Evie then repeated the exact same words you said. Sure she wants to cuddle and kiss mummy as much as you do, but the
Is Mummy a Robot?
Feb19
We’re having some interesting family conversations about where mummy is. For a six-year-old, Noah asks some very mature and considered questions. His mind explores the various elements of; cancer, dying, death and the afterlife. One question Noah asked me last week was; “Daddy, do you think mummy knew she was going
The Five Stages Of Grief, It’s All New To Me…….
Feb08
Do I know how to handle the death of a loved one? Nup. I have no idea. I’ve found myself googling “grief’ and related keywords a few times in the past week. I’m not sure if I’m looking to get a heads up on what type of feelings are around
Evie Talks About You A Lot, She doesn’t Fully Understand The “forever” Element
Feb01
Three weeks. That’s how long you’ve been gone. A drop in the ocean of time. Why does it feel like so much longer? Yesterday was a little tough for me. I got a little emotional when I dropped Noah off at school. My sadness was triggered simply because he’s so brave.
A Well Deserved Send-Off For Lou Lou
Jan29
Lou’s Funeral, the celebration of her life, was a great day. It feels strange to write those words but ‘it is what it is.’ Sending her off into the sunset with family and friends, side-by-side in puddles of tears, to bid her farewell is a mandatory part of the process, and
A Slideshow Of Our Princess Gladiator
Jan26
I’ve got time, I’ve got love, Got confidence you’ll rise above, Give me a minute to hold my girl, Give me a minute to hold my girl………………………………………………………
“Our Favourite Little Town” – Telluride Colorado
Jan25
So I mentioned in Lou’s eulogy on the exact day of her funeral – eight years ago, almost to the hour, I asked her to marry me. An amazing coincidence. I only discovered this fact when I thought it would be fitting to spread some of Lou’s ashes in the
Hi Lou, You’ve Been Gone A Week Already……
Jan20
Dear Lou, It’s been a week since you escaped from your pain and suffering. I’ve attempted to write a post in the last few days but haven’t had the energy. It might easier if I write a short letter, just to let you know that we miss you. I took a
The Celebration Of Lou’s Life Will Be On Friday The 25th
Jan17
FUNERAL DETAILS: Date: Friday the 25th Of January Time: 10:30 am Location: St Mary’s, 264 Miller Street, North Sydney CELEBRATION OF LOU: Following the service, The Greenwood Hotel, North Sydney Dress as you please to the funeral. Don’t feel you have to wear traditional black. Lou always looked stylish, she was always
Dear Noah And Evie, Thank You!!
Jan13
Noah wants to go on another date with his mumma and watch the sunset and drink lemonade.
Hold My Girl…
Jan12
Noah and Evie love singing this song and swapping out “my girl” for “mumma…” I can’t wait to hold you again Lou Lou when my job is done here.
Today Our Hearts Break
Jan12
Today our hearts break, some into shattered irreparable pieces. We’ll live another day but forever with a void gauged from our hearts. You’re at peace now Beautiful Warrior. Watch over Noah and Evie wherever you rest. I will ensure they continue to grow into special people, just like their “mumma”. I
Sisters United
Jan11
It was great to see Elysia arrive safely this morning. I stayed in bed with Lou until Elysia’s taxi dropped her off at the clinic. It would have been a beautiful commute with fresh snow in the villages and farmland between Frankfurt airport and Bad Salzhausen. I hold Lou’s and all night. (she
Noah And Evie Came In Today To Tell Their “Mumma” They Love Her
Jan09
I brought Noah and Evie in to cuddle and kiss their mum today. I’d like to say it wasn’t a facilitated goodbye but while we hope for a miracle, I have to prepare for the worst. I was undecided on whether they should see her. Lou fell into a deep
When it all comes clear, when the wind is settled I’ll be here, you know…..
Jan08
Just some pics of Lou. Not for any particular reason. Lot’s of memories. Always happy. Always full of life. I’m on bedside care duties tonight. Hopefully, her mum and dad get some rest. xx
I Cried Today
Jan08
Someone asked me a few months ago, “when was the last time you cried?” I couldn’t recall. I’ve thought about it a lot and why it’s been so long. Not days, not months, perhaps decades. I’m not proud of it, I think it’s a little strange. The last time I
Hospital Care Update I Special Hospital Dr. Herzog / Bad Salzhausen
Jan07
Lou has been in 24-hour medical care with Professor Herzog since the 26th of December. We needed somewhere between treatments that can give Lou the medical support we can’t. The private clinic is in Bad Salzhausen, 55km’s from where our apartment is in Bad Homburg. Lou is in a double room so Lynda, Les
I’m Keen For The Results Of Lou’s Liver Function Test Today
Jan07
Lou’s brain has been scrambled since Friday. This has only previously happened when her liver has been overloaded processing the chemotherapy with TACE. It’s been a little over three weeks since her last liver treatment so there wouldn’t be any chemo in her liver now. A simple blood test measures how well
Struggle Street
Jan05
Lou had a good few days to finish off 2018, which we’re very grateful for. She’s struggling right now though. She has no energy, she’s extremely weak and has non-stop nausea. Mentally she’s in the basement. She’s very emotional. It’s difficult to watch when there isn’t anything you can do make
Personalised Cancer Treatment Options For Louise
Jan03
We’ve commissioned a number of blood and tumour molecular screening/profiling tests over the last six months, with the aim to source potential treatment options for Louise. Tests include: RGCC mOST Foundation One; and OncoDEEP (summaries for the above reports in red + access to the full reports in Lou’s treatment history)
A Decision Point For The Next Liver Treatment
Jan02
Louise was scheduled for her third round of TACE today but her bloods have continued to drop. Her platelets are 10 000 as we speak. A normal platelet count ranges from 150,000 to 450,000 (platelets per microliter of blood). So her platelets are 140 000 short of where we would
Happy New Year To Lou’s Precious Village
Jan01
Happy New Year to Lou’s essential supporters. 2018 was a challenge for us. 2019 will not be any easier, we know that. We’re a long way from the summit, the air is thin and our packs are heavy. We’ll keep trudging with our eye on the summit and your support
How Is Lou Doing And How Is Her Liver?
Dec30
How is Lou Doing? It’s a question I get asked many times a day. Unfortunately for months now I haven’t been able to give a positive response. In most instances I find myself adding to the answer; “she is doing well considering…” While her physical condition obviously isn’t good, I
That’s A Hat-rick, Three Good Days Of Improved General Health
Dec29
Louise has had the best three days in a long long time. She’s battling some lymphedema today which tarnished a reasonably clear side effect run. And towards the end of the day, her mind was carrying the weight of our next treatment move but she looked tip-top and has made some great physical gains since
A Good Day 😊
Dec27
Louise had a really good day today. 🤗 It’s the best day I can recall since the 11th of October. Let me just ask Google how many days that is…………………………………. 77. Boy. That’s waaaaaaaaay too long, 77 days is a very long time to feel like rubbish. Lou had 1.2 litres drained