You’ve missed so much Lou.
The kids, particularly Noah (his memories are more vivid than Evie’s) are missing you incredibly right now.
He’s had several moments in tears over the Christmas period and my heart aches for him but I love seeing him process the pain and cry it out. I don’t want his little heart as hard as mine, I feel his pain but I prefer to see him emotional. He’s a beautiful boy and I attempt to keep more of you in him than me.
Your little boy has been craving lots of physical contact. I take pride that he gets relief from me. Constant hugging, hand-holding and just touching me to make sure I’m by his side. The children’s need for affection makes me a much more emotionally connected father.
Of course, Evie Pope misses you too. She talks about you more than Noah which allows her to work through her feelings. I’ve made eye contact with her a few times lately and I’m looking at you. My heart skips.
We’re all on holiday right now. You left a colossal hole in all our lives but at fun times like this, the hole is wider and deeper. We party in your honour and legacy.
I had a minor panic attack when I got the passports out before leaving. I only counted three with an expectation of retrieving four. “Oh shit, I’m missing a passport.” I’m halfway through viewing each headshot and of course, I’m like “da, Lou Lou’s isn’t in here, she’s not here anymore.” Silly Dadda!
Things like this still happen often. It’s a twist to the tummy at the time but I like that I go day-to-day behaving like you’re around. It keeps me on track doing things the way you would have done.
You’d be proud of everyone in your family. Your Mum and Dad, Liesy, Jon and all six little loved hearts.
We miss you.