28 Aug 19

By Dominic Byrne

Single Parent Getting After It

Yesterday I met up with one of the counsellors for The National Centre for Childhood Grief (NCCG). They came recommended from a family we know that is going through the grieving process due to the loss of a loved one.

My intention for the session was to;

  1. Validate how I’ve been managing Noah and Evie’s grief; and
  2. Decide if Noah or Evie needed any professional guidance living with their grief

After all, the kids did lose the most central person in their life, their anchorage for a sense of self and personal security. For the most part, I am blown away at how well they are coping but let’s face it, Noah and Evie will grieve forever. They will live happily and fulfilled lives but they will be reminded of their cruel loss until their own death.

The most rewarding part that I got from yesterday’s session is that I feel we’ve done close to everything right in how we have managed Noah and Evie. From the day Lou was diagnosed with cancer in June 2017, until the day she died on January 12th, and up until this very day.

A motto that my counsellor mentioned that NCCG base themselves on is; “Truth and Inclusion.” This really resonated with me as it’s been my own practical mantra throughout Lou’s sickness and death. I feel that on occasions I have swum against the tide here to ensure that the children were part of Lou’s sickness, death, funeral and the ongoing grieving process.

The NCCG say that children “need to be loved, understood and included in all aspects of family grief. They need to be able to trust parents and other important caregivers to tell them the truth, in simple, direct language, appropriate for their age. Don’t use euphemisms in an attempt to soften facts.”

Noah did show some regressive behaviour after bringing Lou’s ashes home and both my little monkeys have oozed a little more anger than one might expect. These small changes were the catalyst for following through with the recommendation to engage with professional support.

I got a good feeling for the centre and its staff. I’ll take Noah and Evie in to see if its something they engage with and are open to continuing in the capacity recommended by NCCG. It defiantly can’t do any harm.

I’ll keep you “posted.”

1 Comment

  1. You’re doing a bloody good job Dom. This saint something you should k ow how to do. Lou would be proud.

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