All the preparation in the world cannot beat the demon that is chemo. It might start ok, and you think “hey maybe this time I’m going to get through this relatively unharmed” and then SMACK, SMACK and once you are down SMAAAAACK!!!!! There is no such thing as chemo and unharmed.
And so you suffer greatly and you sob to your husband that you don’t want to do it anymore. And you don’t. NO MORE!!!! You find yourself disoriented in the hospital not knowing what day it is.
Then your bloods start coming back to acceptable levels and your mind feels peaceful. You finally turn the corner. You wake up fully and you can move your body, walking, stretching. Literally coming back to life. That’s my week. I’ve climbed out of the hole and I’m feeling alive again. Crawling til I’m walking, walking til I’m dancing.
My week in numbers…
Days since the last Chemo: 8
Days it took for the demon to get hold of me: 4
Days spent sleeping 20 hrs: 2
Hospital days done: 4
Hospital days to go: At least 3
Net round of chemo due: Yesterday. Will have it as soon as blood levels are back up. Ouch!
Side effects of chemo: 7 (at least) unbearable, unspeakable side effects that hit you all at one time
Medicines taken: Too many to count 🙁
Hair falling out: ZERO!!!! Yessssss
Hours slept: Over 110
Hours spent crying: More than usual
Needles: Only 1 straight into my new port. Woooo hoooo!! Saving me 20 needles this visit alone.
Nurses looking after me: Mix of 10 beautiful people. I heart nurses
Litres of IV saline: 4
Platelet count: 34 (Normal 150-450. Below 20 platelet transfer)
Other blood counts: All in the danger zones but improving each day
Visits from my kids: Zero. Hard for me but easier for them. Dom brings them in when they ask to come
Laps of ward: 7 and rising
Messages of support: Over 100. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!!!!
Bravery: Utterly diminished the day I was admitted but its come back in force
Strength Body: Wasting dammit. Back to baby steps and my home yoga gym space. Cannot wait!
Strength Mind: Rock solid! I’m back in the ring. I’ve got this!!!
And that’s what a week in my world looks like! Let me know what you have all been up to XoX
Louise I haven’t seen you for years and found out about your journey from Jas Colley and Em Salter. I am following your journey closely as I have a very dear friend also with Breast Cancer. I am rooting for you and your family 100%, I wish you only the best of everything and am sending all the healing vibes your way.
Claire (Weeitch but now Neil!) xxx
That’s our girl #Gorgeous#Warrior Princess# You’ve Got This. Love you girl. That’s it you got to pick yourself up and move forward no looking backward. ❤
You are one amazing lady. I’m praying here for you and you’re family. You do have this and you will survive. You’ve got this xx
You. Are. A. Legend. So strong. So positive. Thank you for sharing your pain, your joy and your journey. Sending you love.
Sending you so much love
As you say Louise there are moment when all seems impossible and your fight , your bravery transport you to a better place. Sending you courage & strength to keep up with the healing. . Love & light
-who else is doing the Javelin Parp combo-
Thank you Louise for your daily postings. My wife is on Javelin Parp Medley: Avelumab/Talazoparib NCT03330405 . She has TNBC that has metastasized. She is about 2 weeks into this clinical trail and feels mostly good compared the the chemo she has 2 years before. Did I read correctly you got off this clinical trial?
LoVe you Lou. So brave. So utterly amaZing. Can’t wait to see you Saturday and give you a hug ❤️
Well done! Keep strong & healthy, stay positive. As a survivor of Hodgkin’s lymphoma, I was surrounded my loving family and friends always there for me. All the best x
I hadn’t seen you around school lately but had no idea where you were at and that you are going through this crap. You are beyond brave and so loved. Alek misses seeing your fab earring collection. Big hugs from us to you and your beautiful family.