All the preparation in the world cannot beat the demon that is chemo. It might start ok, and you think “hey maybe this time I’m going to get through this relatively unharmed” and then SMACK, SMACK and once you are down SMAAAAACK!!!!! There is no such thing as chemo and unharmed.
And so you suffer greatly and you sob to your husband that you don’t want to do it anymore. And you don’t. NO MORE!!!! You find yourself disoriented in the hospital not knowing what day it is.
Then your bloods start coming back to acceptable levels and your mind feels peaceful. You finally turn the corner. You wake up fully and you can move your body, walking, stretching. Literally coming back to life. That’s my week. I’ve climbed out of the hole and I’m feeling alive again. Crawling til I’m walking, walking til I’m dancing.
My week in numbers…
Days since the last Chemo: 8
Days it took for the demon to get hold of me: 4
Days spent sleeping 20 hrs: 2
Hospital days done: 4
Hospital days to go: At least 3
Net round of chemo due: Yesterday. Will have it as soon as blood levels are back up. Ouch!
Side effects of chemo: 7 (at least) unbearable, unspeakable side effects that hit you all at one time
Medicines taken: Too many to count 🙁
Hair falling out: ZERO!!!! Yessssss
Hours slept: Over 110
Hours spent crying: More than usual
Needles: Only 1 straight into my new port. Woooo hoooo!! Saving me 20 needles this visit alone.
Nurses looking after me: Mix of 10 beautiful people. I heart nurses
Litres of IV saline: 4
Platelet count: 34 (Normal 150-450. Below 20 platelet transfer)
Other blood counts: All in the danger zones but improving each day
Visits from my kids: Zero. Hard for me but easier for them. Dom brings them in when they ask to come
Laps of ward: 7 and rising
Messages of support: Over 100. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!!!!!!
Bravery: Utterly diminished the day I was admitted but its come back in force
Strength Body: Wasting dammit. Back to baby steps and my home yoga gym space. Cannot wait!
Strength Mind: Rock solid! I’m back in the ring. I’ve got this!!!
And that’s what a week in my world looks like! Let me know what you have all been up to XoX