I’ve been a massive binge drinker since I was a teenager. I’ve been through periods in the late 90s and early 2000s during the rugby selection process where I’ve exercised some control. Still, I have never had drinking and recreational drug use under proper personal management until this year.
It’s funny because I gave up drinking for someone else, I was never able to do it for myself. While that person isn’t part of my life anymore the relationship was a positive catalyst and massive shift in my thinking to commit to limited booze consumption and complete control in 2022.
When I say “limited booze consumption”; apart from a road trip/ car rally during the week of May, I haven’t had a single drop since I returned from the USA on February 12th. This is in contrast to huge weekly or fortnightly benders where I would drink well in excess of 20 standard drinks in a session.
As you age, the drinking recovery process after wiping yourself out takes several days or more, during this time, you are just surviving, especially if you partied all night and into the morning hours. When you are just surviving with a monster hangover you’re merely putting one foot in front of the other as the bare minimum focus is keeping your family and work intact so it doesn’t buckle. It blocks out time to think, reflect and discover.
By the time you are feeling really good, you cyclically self-destruct and poison every cell in your body all over again.
Partying is so much fun, it is entertaining and extremely enjoyable. It’s just such a shame that alcohol and subsequent drug use are evil. It is literally the devil.
Not drinking for consecutive months has intrinsically created a lot more clear-headed thinking time than I’m used to. It’s been really disruptive and unsettling at times. When you start to unpackage emotions, review insecurities and evaluate your purpose you can find yourself very lost.
I honestly feel who I think I am, who others think I am and who I am may well be completely different people. This isn’t a negative statement at all, more a suggestion that there is much to learn about ourselves if you have the bandwidth to look inside.
So Who Am I? Well, I am still working all of that out. It’s crazy that I am me but I am not always sure of who I am. 🤯